But he concludes his song with reassuring remarks about quality over quantity. Well Lyfe Jennings, you have successfully cut down my chances of getting any by half. You mean if I’m judging a guy for sitting in a corner in Commons pouring over a laptop looking like he hasn’t showered or slept in days, I shouldn’t expect an Adonis/rower to approach me in the same condition? Ouch. RULE #4: BE THE PERSON YOU WANNA FIND, DON’T BE A NICKEL OUT HERE LOOKIN’ FOR A DIME Here’s a mantra: I think I’m worth the wait and if you don’t move along because I can get someone else, boo.
Why is this? Because she has Willow Smith attitude, that’s why. People call her the ugly sister, but she is also the only one that’s married and has a non-asshole significant other. You know she knows she’s gorgeous, and it is with that confidence and swag that she snags man after manilicious man. Let’s take a look at some ladies who do this: 1) Halle Berry. He is saying you gotta think you are all that and let everyone know you know that they know that you are the shit. That’s some deep, profound, blows-my-mind advice right there. RULE #3: TELL HIM THAT YOU’RE CELIBATE, AND IF HE WANTS SOME OF YOUR GOODIES HE GON’ HAVE TO WORK FOR IT No! I’m different! She’s a raving bitch and I’m a sweetheart! He likes meeeee … It doesn’t count if it’s an LDR!! Unfortunately, yes it does. RULE #2: IF HE’S IN A RELATIONSHIP AND HE WILL CHEAT ON HER, THAT MEANS HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU Your booty call is gonna move to greener pastures if he can, and that will leave you alone, eating ice cream out of a carton, watching “The Vampire Diaries.” We’re busy, we have needs, it’s convenient, blah. Let’s be honest here, sometimes you want to be a booty call. RULE #1: DON’T BE A BOOTY CALL IF HE DON’T RESPECT YOU GIRL, HE GON’ FORGET YOU GIRL
That means what, women have a 10 percent chance of ending up with a kind and decent guy?! I mean, that feels true, but my God! Luckily, he tells us he’s going to teach us how to weed out the pile-o-crap 90 percent to score a keeper. He tells us that 25 percent of men are crazy, 25 percent cheat, 30 percent lie, and 10 percent are gay. To make you listen, he gets a real smooth R&B beat going and sensually sits you down for some REAL TALK. Now, I wouldn’t say I’m desperate - I really do enjoy cuddling with my girl friends while listening to Taylor Swift’s latest album and sobbing on my Saturday nights - but I feel it is my duty to spread the gospel Lyfe so artfully expresses, so I’mma break it down for ya. She called me with the solution to end straight girls’ desperation the world over: the song “Statistics” by Lyfe Jennings.
My mother called me two months ago screaming in my ear, “MIIIIILA BIIIILA!!! GET ON YOUR COMPUTER NOW!!!11” I immediately assumed it had to do something with the latest hunk of sexxy to grace our favorite soap, “One Life to Live,” but what she wanted to share with me was much more epic, more life changing, than any set of abs on daytime TV could possibly be.